Tips for Firing Up a Dull Relationship

- Written by Michael Hawthrone. Michael can be reached at

Sometimes the flames come before the sparks when in a relationship. And sometimes you only get sparks that never quite ignite those flames you desire. Both situations can be hard for different reasons. If you have experienced a really passionate love and are now feeling like the fire is out you are probably disappointed and considering finding something new. The only problem with that is with anything that is new and exciting it that they too will become old and possibly dull. So it is better to find ways to maintain or rekindle what you already have and are attached to because nothing stays new forever. However, that doesn't mean that you can't take something old and make it exciting again. For those who are in a situation where you feel like the reality is not quite up there with the vision you have in your mind don't give up just yet. If there are at least the faintest signs of a spark then there is always a chance for a hot relationship.

There are all kinds of reasons why a new relationship is dull. It could be that one partner is moving at a different pace than the other or is unsure where the other one wants to be in regards to the relationship. Another issue could be that maybe one of the partners simply does not know how to communicate his or her feelings clearly. Just because a relationship is at a low point doesn't mean that it is beyond repair. Many times the relationships that go through a low point and are given the proper attention turn out to be even hotter than the ones that started out hot and are then discarded once the flames are low.

The question is how you are supposed to rekindle those old flames or turn those sparks into burning love. The answer, while not very simple, is clear. Communication. Not just verbal communication but physical and metal as well. And like verbal communication, physical communication is not about how much you say, but the quality of what you say that really counts.

In the most meaningful relationships I've been in I've always found a couple of things in common that seemed to make them meaningful. When we made love it wasn't just about having sex. It was about really connecting with that person.

A few tips that I have for keeping those flames in a relationship are simple and they work. All you have to do is keep an open mind and in no time those flames will be hotter than they have ever been. Kissing is a simple act that we have all done. Some have been told they are better than others and sometimes it is hard to understand how you can be good at something that seems so basic. You put your lips together and move them. That doesn't sound too difficult. But there is so much more to kissing than just the lips. Aside from the rest of your body that is involved, there is also some mental work that goes into sharing a really good kiss. Here are a couple of ways to get put your mind where your mouth is and get it interested in what you are doing. Standing in front of each other with your hands clasped together on either side while your bodies are just barely touching is a romantic way to start a kiss. Holding hands adds intimacy and just a little bodily contact is stimulating but still leaves a lot to the imagination.

Sometimes when you get everything at once your mind and body get bored with it quickly. A slight touch lets you imagine what it would be like to feel even more and that engages and intrigues the mind. Sometimes imagining what you want to do can be more satisfying than just jumping right in and actually doing it. A big part of that is because if your mind is not turned on your body can't experience full pleasure.

Another really good way to kiss is to keep your eyes open and maintain eye contact. It will seem odd at first to have someone in your face, but soon you will be so caught up in the feeling that it wonít bother you. You should start with a soft, slow closed-mouth kiss. After that you can slowly progress as far as you'd like. Jumping right into a kiss takes away the feeling and the intimacy of a kiss. If you are in lust rushing it is fine, but when you really care for a person and the "honeymoon" feeling seems to be missing, you are going to need more to keep yourself interested. It's like starting a car in the cold and not letting it warm up. When the car is new it will still function the way you want it to, but the longer you do it the slower the car will respond until one day your car just wonít go anymore. Warming your senses up and taking them through each step along with the anticipation of what could be next will make the results much more satisfying and worthwhile.

If your love life has lost that flame or you just canít get it to spark try the simple things that Iíve recommended and youíll be surprised by the difference you may see. Remember that verbal and physical communication are two separate things that need equal amounts of attention but the only way for the physical to stay interesting is to incorporate the verbal. And though you are using your body when you make love it only feels good when your mind is stimulated as well.

About the Author
I work full-time to pay my bills but I'm doing freelance writing to build resume in hopes that I will be able to turn my writing into a career. I write books as well and I'm now working on a book about a young Italian/American man who is presented the opportunity to go back to Italy and live out some of his dreams. The only problem is that the cost may be too high when his benefactor decided to collect. I'm 24 years old and I live in Alexandria, VA.

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